As a reviewer (at least prior to my long hiatus), I found that my opinion on a novel was greatly influenced by what I was experiencing as I read the book. That, as an avid reader, was what made reading unique and exciting. The idea that reading a certain book, at a specific moment in your life, may potentially change your perspective fascinated me. Before the Summer, I could tell you that reading was my form of therapy. Now, in a time where I need to examine my life, I am beginning to remember the love I once shared with reading.
For me, reading has always been my remedy. You know that one thing that could make you feel safe and at peace? Reading was that for me. Reading about people’s lives made me feel a sense of security. When I found a book that resembled the situations I was facing at the time, I was able to understand life better. Books made life clearer and helped me process things that were happening.
Flash forward to this year, I turned my back on reading. I left my books and my blog, and for a while, I did not care. I began to grow up and think that reading was not important and, though I hate to say it now, lame. What I did not realize when I turned my back from reading was that I started becoming a really bad person. I began to make choices that weren’t positive. I lost the direction that I was following and that was all my fault. The more poor choices I made, the less I cared about reading. There is no denying that I became someone who was not respectable. In fact, it is hard to fathom how the person I am today was a speaker in a panel only a year ago. However, it took a major event in my life to make me realize that the path I was on was not where I wanted to go.
Now, I am trying to get back to the ‘old Marissa’. I am aware of all the mistakes I made and know there is no one else to blame. I began to read again because I need my sense of security back. In fact, my friend has given me some of the books that helped her find herself again. The truth is, it is going to take a while but I am hopeful. Already, I have read two books that have helped me understand the person I have become. They have made me realize the steps I need to take to fix myself. One book that I read, The Silver Linings Playbook, gave me a great quote to reflect on: “Well, you have adventures. All start out with troubles, but then you admit your problems and become a better person by working really hard, which it fertilizes the happy ending and allows it to bloom”. I am hopeful for my happy ending, however long it may take.
Overall, I am hopeful to rekindle my love for reading. Also, I am excited to talk to my fellow bookworms again. I miss you all so much and am so grateful to be back. I love you all.